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. Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test? Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.

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. Fred: Where does the new kid come from? Harry: Alaska. Fred: Don't bother - I'll ask her myself.

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. A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. "Hey kid," he shouted. "Why don't you go outside and play?"

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. I had a funny dream last night, Mom. Did you? I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was asleep.

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. Young Vestal was walking in his Florida backyard when an alligator bit him. "Mama!" yelled the boy. "A gator jus' bit off mah foot!" "Which one?" called his mother from inside the cabin. "How the hell should Ah know?!" he shrieked. "They all look alike to me!"

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. An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?, " gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him!"

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. A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate "oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own business !

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. Did you hear about the boy who wanted to run away to the circus ? He ended up in a flea circus !

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. What's the matter son? The boy next door said I look just like you? What did you say? Nothing he's bigger than me !

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. A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. ' What's wrong ?' asked his mother. Do people really come from dust, like they said in church ? he sobbed. 'In a way they do,' said his mother. ' And when they die do the turn back to dust ?'. 'Yes, they do.' The little boy began to cry again. ' Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going !'

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. A man out for a walk came across a little boy pulling his cat's tail. 'Hey you!' he shouted, ' don't pull the cat's tail !' 'I'm not pulling !' replied the little boy. 'I'm only holding on - the cat's pulling !'

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. Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake ? 'Quick,' said one, 'run ! Before they say we did it !

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. A little boy went into a baker's' 'How much are those cakes ? he asked 'Two for 25 cents,' said the baker ' How much does one cost ?' asked the boy '13 cents,' said the baker 'Then I'll take the other one for 12 cents !' said the boy

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. Did you hear about the boy who was known as Fog ? He was dense and wet !

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. 'You boy !' called a policeman.' Can you help ? We're looking for a man with a huge red nose called Cotters......' 'Really ?' said the boy. 'What're his ears called ?'

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. As two boys were passing the rectory, the minister leaned over the wall and showed them a ball. "Is this yours" he asked "Did it do any damage" asked one of the boys "No" replied the minister "Then it's mine !"

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. Two boys camping out in a backyard wanted to know the time, so they began singing at the top of their voices. Eventually one of the neighbours threw open his window and shouted down at them "Hey, less noise!, don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning!"

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. Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said,' Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.' Bill wasn't impressed, ' Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it !

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. Young Jimmy was having a snack after school with his Gran. ' Would you like another cookie ?' she asked. 'Yes, please,' replied Jimmy. 'What good manners you have,' said his Gran. ' I do like to hear young people say 'please' and 'thank you'.' 'I'll say them both if I can have a big piece of that cake,' replied Jimmy !

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. Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet ? Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes !

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. 'Why are you crying, Ted ?' asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

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. Ben's dad was building a pine bookshelf and Ben was watching and occasionally helping. ' What are the holes for ?' Ben asked. 'They're knot holes,' said his dad. 'What are they, then, if they're not holes ?' asked Ben.

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. Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. ' Oh you're so stupid!' shouted Dick. 'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say you're sorry.' 'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're stupid.'

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. Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time ? Son: Easy. I have two ears!

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. 'William, I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door,' said mum. 'yes, but they're twins, so I wanted some way to tell the apart.'

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. Eddie's father called up to him, 'Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!' Eddy replied, 'I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.'

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. George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, 'can Albert come out to play?' 'No, said the mother, 'it's too cold.' 'Well, then,' said George, ' can his football come out to play ?'

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. 'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen, 'you know that dish you were always worried that I would break ?' 'Yes dear, what about it ?' 'Well your worries are over.'

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. A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'

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. John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video. 'Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked his father suspiciously. 'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the TV in for it.'

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. 'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma ?'

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. Two girls were talking in the corridor. 'That boy over there is getting on my nerves,' said Clarrie. 'But he's not even looking at you,' replied Clara. 'That's what's getting on my nerves,' retorted Clarrie.

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. A little girl was next in line. 'My name's Curtain,' she said. 'I hope your first name is not Agnate ?' 'No, it's velvet !'

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. On the first day at school the girls were sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on each other. 'I come from a one-parent family,' said one little girl proudly. 'That's nothing. Both my parents remarried after they got divorced. I come from a four parent family !'

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. Mother: I told you not eat cake before supper. Daughter: But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.

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. Mary arrived home from school covered in spots. 'Whatever's the matter ?' asked her mother. 'I don't know,' replied Mary, 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'

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. Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted ? Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

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. Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it

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. Trevor: That's a cool pair of stockings you have on Jill. One red and one green. Jill: Yes, and I have another pair just like it at home.

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. Mandy was applying for a summer job. 'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store. 'I'm twelve years old, Sir,' answered Mandy. 'And what do you expect to be when you grow up ?' 'Twenty one, Sir.'

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. The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to know. 'One hundred and three,' said the doctor. 'What is the world record?'

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. Jennifer: Are you coming to my party ? Sandra: No, I ain't. Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not ain't. It's I am not coming, he is not coming, she is not coming, they are not coming. Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?

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. Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Mary. When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts, Grandma? Grandma: Yes, I do. Mary: Well, you can have mine.

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. Teacher: "Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?" Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

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. Why did the nutty kid throw a glass of water out of the window? He wanted to see a waterfall.

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. Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.

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. The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. "No mis" he replied

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. Andy was away from school for 2 days because he had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school, his teacher told him how he felt. I feel with my hands Miss !

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. My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"

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. A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(sweet): 607